Sport articles

SOFA2

Irish sofas prepare for 2 weeks of being hidden behind

Sofas are said to be in a “high state of readiness” as their owners prepare for the Euro 2016 group matches involving Northern Ireland and the Republic. “Normally, for tournaments like this, we expect to see an increase in the sales of big screen televisions,” says consumer expert Dee Effess, “but this time round there’s

noniron2

Euros crisis as IFA accidentally order “Non-Iron Shirts” for squad

With Euro 2016 just days away, the IFA have dealt Northern Ireland fans a huge blow by announcing they mistakenly requested a consignment of wrinkle-free formal shirts instead of the team’s official football jersey. “Due to a communication mixup when ordering we’ve received a container of ‘Non Iron’ shirts instead.” explained IFA Chief Executive Patrick Nelson earlier. “The guys at Adidas are extremely apologetic, but it’s

whey

Shock as Belfast gym fanatic set to NOT compete in bodybuilding show

Despite attending the gym regularly and being in what one fitness expert called ‘good nick’, 28 year old Latspread McCafferty has shocked the fitness world today by announcing that he will not be competing in a bodybuilding competition this summer. The bizarre decision has sparked panic throughout Northern Ireland’s fitness industry, which contractually obliges regular gym members to be photographed flexing their muscles

grigg

Will Grigg fire “now under control”, say emergency services

An ongoing conflagration involving football international Will Grigg has been safely dealt with, according to a statement released earlier today by the Northern Ireland Fire Service. The Wigan Athletic player is believed to have been set alight at some point in April, and has been burning uncontrollably since then. Fortunately the blaze was spotted by his club’s fans

IDS

Iain Duncan Smith to take over at Manchester United?

Outgoing Tory minister Iain Duncan Smith is being lined up to replace Louis van Gaal at Manchester United, The Ulster Fry can exclusively reveal. Smith sensationally stepped down from his role as manager of the Department of Work and Pensions yesterday, citing differences with owner David Cameron over the budget available to him for next

cheltenham

Cheltenham rocked by horse betting scandal

Scandal is rippling through the world of horse racing today, after reports emerged that many of the horses at the festival are involved in a secret underground betting syndicate. “It gets so fecking boring hanging around the stables all day” admitted 4 year old thoroughbred, Rising Damp “we’re just expected to stand in a cubicle all day whilst people brush our arses

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