Business

Several consecutive days of sunshine have caused a massive shortage of baps for barbecues, experts have warned. As temperatures have soared the demand for baps has followed suit, leading some economists to predict that we will reach bap meltdown by Sunday if...

After yet more travel chaos at Aldergrove, Belfast International Airport have unveiled a new range of 'package queuing holidays'. "The pain in the hole of getting through our airport has gone from strength-to-strength down the years." explained security manager, Annie...

A Co Antrim businessman has launched an X-rated website aimed squarely at Northern Irish Protestants. Ballymena entrepreneur Bertie Oldman told The Ulster Fry that he believed that he'd spotted a gap in the market. "The World Wide Interwab is full of...

The National Trust has laid centuries of conjecture to rest by announcing that they built the Giant's Causeway, and that anyone who fancies a dander round it should pay handsomely for the privilege. "People used to think that a giant...

Following the revelation that global election results are being coerced by nefarious social media activity, local tech startup Jordanstown Analytica have admitted they've been manipulating NI voters on Facebook too. "Our practices aren't as sophisticated as them Cambridge smartholes," admitted...

Northern Irish drinkers were left furious after reports emerged that one of Belfast's most treasured places to not swing a cat is being sent home because it's a foreigner. "Si senor, they have told us to pack up our sheet...

The value of shares in County Tyrone has plummeted after two days of frantic trading on Wall Street. The crisis began yesterday on the New York Sticks Exchange, where all things culchie are traditionally traded. The turf price was the first...

Scientists across the globe are hailing a 'major breakthrough in human development' after a Co. Antrim housewife became the first ever woman to work out how to put a toilet seat down. 42-year-old Wanda Pish made the discovery when she...

Supermarket giant Sainsbury's has been forced to cancel its planned massive baby sale as it has unable to source enough over-sized infants. "Massive baby sales have become increasingly popular across the retail sector," said Tommy Tippee, Sainsbury's Head of Ridiculous...

Top celebrities have been exploiting legal loopholes to hide millions of pounds in secret offshore bank accounts based in the Co. Tyrone town of Coalisland, a huge leak of financial documents has revealed. Dubbed the 'Peat Bog Papers', the documents...