French car companies have finally woken up to the fact that many people here struggle to pronounce their names, and are to undergo complete rebrands to suit the Northern Irish consumer. According to Parisian motoring journalist Sylvestre Lecat, the change was inevitable. “May wee,” he told us, “vous est totally unable to say les French…
Celebrations everywhere as Belfast man completes trolley-free Christmas shop
Northern Ireland chalked up another historic first today after local man, Vince Pie, successfully did his entire Christmas shop in Tesco, Newtonbreda without a trolley or basket. “Thon things are for weemin!” he scowled when we approached him for an exclusive interview. “Ye don’t see Bear Grylls taking a basket into the woods when he’s hungry…
Price of Um Bongo sky-rockets as Brexit bites
The popular juice based drink Um Bongo is to double in price as supermarkets grapple with exchange rate fluctuations in the wake of the Brexit vote. “It’s an impossible situation,” says top economist Connery Wharf, “the pound is now so weak against the Congolese franc it’s inevitable that the cost of importing the refreshing children’s drink…
Fake news more accurate than the real stuff, say experts
As the kerfuffle about the influence of so-called ‘Fake News’ on the US Presidential election continues to grow, experts have uncovered evidence that the made up stuff is often more accurate than the so-called real thing. The report follows the publication of a list of fake news websites by a North American academic, which lumped…
Belfast airline Beezer Jet launches flights to New York
In the light of the news that United Airlines is to cancel its service from Belfast International to New York, local independent carrier Beezer Jet has been quick off the mark to step into the breach. The airline, established earlier this year by businessman Hans Luggage, is one of Northern Ireland’s biggest success stories, now flying passengers…
Third bus stop at Belfast International Airport approved
Northern Ireland’s transport links moved proudly into the 1960s today with the approval of plans for a third bus-stop at the world famous Belfast International Airport. Tourists from across the globe regularly jet into the International Airport from far-flung destinations such as Manchester and Glasgow, but often spend their stay here staring at the County Antrim countryside,…
Havelock House to be sold with classic UTV memorabilia, says broadcaster
Following the announcement that UTV will relocate from Havelock House after almost 60 years, the Ulster Fry has learned that the sale of the iconic building will include classic UTV memorabilia in a bid to attract buyers. In our world exclusive report we look at some of the amazing items you could inherit by investing in this…
Northern Ireland to get its own currency as value of pound plummets
The people of Northern Ireland will soon be spending ‘Yokes’ after the Stormont administration moved with unusual speed to calm fears over the dramatic fall in the value of the pound. “It’s pretty clear the pound is f**ked,” said First Minister Arlene Foster. “I went out today to get 20 Rothmans and a tin of…
Jim Megaw bounces back to front The Apprentice
After his blistering return to our TV screens last week on a new ad for We Are Vertigo, it has emerged that legendary businessman Jim Megaw is in line to replace Lord Sir Alan Sugar on The Apprentice. During the 1980s Jim made the supermarkets Crazy Prices and Stewart’s the go-to destinations for all local…
Facebook’s new narcissistic newsfeed “all about you”, says Zuckerberg
Millions of people took selfies of themselves looking ‘delighted’ today after Facebook announced that their newsfeed system would be changing to show more stories about everyone’s new favourite topic – themselves. “Our users have complained that our current newsfeed shows too much stuff that they’re not interested in” said Mark Zuckerberg today at the launch “such as posts from other people, photos they’re not in and things they…