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DUP in plot to cut number of days Union Flag flies on City Hall

DUP in plot to cut number of days Union Flag flies on City Hall

An undercover investigation conducted by Ulster Fry journalists has revealed startling new evidence which suggests that the DUP was at the centre of a plot to reduce the number of ‘designated days’ when the Union Flag flies over Belfast City Hall. There are 18 days on which the flag is flown, including the Queen’s two


Shock as Northern Ireland parties fail to agree on stuff

There was widespread bewilderment in Northern Irish political circles yesterday as the main Unionist and Nationalist parties failed to reach agreements on pacts within their respective designations. Talks between the DUP and UUP collapsed because – according to an insider – “They hate each other.” As a result it looks likely that the UUP will


63% of NI men currently shirtless, say police

As Ulster enjoys an almost unprecedented fifth day of sunshine, police have confirmed that two-thirds of NI men are currently wearing nothing above the waist bar a watch they bought in Santa Ponsa one year. “Our officer’s body-cams utilise high-tech imaging software” explained Bobby Peeler from the PSNI’s Quare n Powerful Yokes Division. “aside from facial recognition of known criminals, we can also detect the outline


‘Thon’s quare drying weather’, reveal mums

Local mums lost the run of themselves today as news emerged that it was perfect weather for drying stuff. “I was so lured after I seen the weather forecast this morning!” Tyrone mammy Sian Mills told us. “I’d three loads of washing done by lunchtime, but it dried that quick I put them all on for a second cycle there, just to make sure.” Her


Belfast relay runners outraged as event named the “Fun-Sized Marathon”

Thousands of people who completed a small section of today’s Belfast Marathon were left even more red-faced today after Belfast City Council officially branded their category the “Fun-Sized Marathon”. The move has created major embarrassment for lots of these entrants, many of whom have been feverishly posting fitness related social media updates that gives the distinct impression they are the next Paula Radcliffe or


5K to Couch: The Ulster Fry guide to getting out of shape

It’s the Belfast marathon tomorrow, and lots of folk have been preparing for the fun runs and relays that go along with the big event itself. As a result everyone’s Facebook timeline is full of normally lazy hallions angling after sponsorship for waddling a few miles, but that leaves a big question – how will they get


Northern Ireland schools to be funded through supermarket loyalty cards

With the Stormont talks still in deadlock, the Conservative government has unveiled a radical new funding programme for the education sector in Northern Ireland. “It’s perfectly simple,” Secretary of State James Brokenshite told the House of Commons. “Instead of giving principals something extravagant like an adequate amount of money to run a school, we’re going to issue