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North Korea launches ‘first missile back at school day’

North Korea launches ‘first missile back at school day’

North Korean supremo Kim Jong-un has joined in with National Take a Photo of Your Child at the Front Door Day by posting photos of his favourite missiles standing outside their launch sites. In an exclusive interview with The Ulster Fry, the normally secretive leader explained that he just wanted to show a softer side to

McGregor & Mayweather to finally open bank accounts, say reports

After years of turning up at star-studded events carrying massive wads of cash, Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather are finally set to open current accounts following their half-billion dollar bout, the Ulster Fry has learned. “I’m sick of keeping all my dough under my mattress!” revealed Mayweather at today’s press conference. “All my celebrity pals just

Driverless lorries “will still leave old dirty mags in hedges” says government

Government plans to test driverless lorries on the UK’s roads will ensure that their computer systems are able to replicate the behaviour of actual lorry drivers, The Ulster Fry has learned. “These new lorries will be able to do everything that a manned vehicle can do,” said Department of Transport spokesman Leyland Daft. “For example, they’ll still attempt to

Exam board to offer GCSE in understanding GCSE results

The Council for the Curriculum, Examination and Assessment (CCEA) has been forced to introduce a new qualification which will help parents and pupils understand the GCSE process. They announced the plan this morning, after thousands of bewildered families received results letters. “Apparently I’ve got 196 in Biology Unit 1A Higher Intermediate Geography,” we were told by 15-year-old

DUP MP Sammy Wilson washed away in floods

Prominent DUP MP Sammy Wilson and his views on climate change have been completely washed away in last night’s flooding, a party spokesman has admitted. The Ulster Fry understands that the East Antrim representative’s flood defences were finally breached by a torrent of water at 9pm last night, with satellite images showing him floating northwards off the coast of Scotland. “Sammy

Game of Thrones tours now Northern Ireland’s biggest employer of beards

A staggering 112% of beards here are now working in a Game of Thrones related industry, new figures from the Department of Unusual Statistics have revealed. “Prior to Game of Thrones there was huge unemployment in the facial hair community,” says the Department’s spokesbeard Randal Bar-Moustache. “There were limited opportunities on the faces of craft

World to get “glimpse of life in Tyrone” during solar eclipse, reveals NASA

As the western world prepares for its first total solar eclipse in almost a century, scientists have revealed that the spectacle will offer a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’ for people across the globe to experience what life is like in County Tyrone. “For the first time in the modern era people in the US

A Levels “not as hard as they used to be”, claims everyone over the age of 20

With record grades again this year, Northern Ireland’s successful A Level students have spent the day being told how easy their exams were compared to years ago. “I got two As and a C,” said Lisburn teenager Marcus Easy, “When I phoned to tell my da he just shouted ‘Piece of piss’ and hung up.” “Then when I

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