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10 reasons why getting to bed drunk is a whole handlin’

10 reasons why getting to bed drunk is a whole handlin’

Everyone loves a good night out on the rip, except Jim Allister obviously, but while we’re out spilling pints over ourselves we all forget that it has to end at some point and sleep will be required. Sadly, knocking back all those drinks has made us forget that we’ve turned a routine ritual into a complex

tea

Holylands students set for tea and quiet reflection following booze ban

Students have cancelled St Patrick’s Day plans in the Holylands it has emerged, following the news that nearby off-licences would close for a few hours tomorrow to help stop anti-social behaviour. “Ack, no way! We were pure up for going clean mental too!” said 22 year old, Carmel Street. “but fair play to the crafty hurs, they’ve stopped us

Bottles

“Party at our place,” Northern Ireland tells everyone in UK

Northern Ireland is being described as “an even bigger bombsite than usual” after inadvertently inviting the rest of the home nations to a massive house party. The crisis follows the release of a report showing that people here spend the highest amount per head on alcoholic beverages, prompting Northern Ireland to post “Yeooooooo lads, party

phonetext

Norn Iron “texting codes” the Police forgot to tell you about

The other day the PSNI released a handy guide for parents, supposedly warning them of the dangerous coded messages their teenage children may be using in text conversations. We’ve been looking into it, and have discovered a rake of special local codes that the police forgot to mention. You may find them useful…. Family and

tinfoilmain

Craigavon man who went for tinfoil added to Queen’s New Year honours list

A dad who left home today in a desperate Christmas Day search for turkey foil has been added to the Queen’s New Year honours list. 46 year old Willy Jumper, a half-civil servant from Craigavon, was alerted to the alarming shortage of bacofoil at his home around 10.30am this morning, sparking an heroic two hour ordeal which took him to four neighbour’s houses, five corner shops and

cover-again

10 last minute Norn Iron gift ideas, probably for people you don’t like

Once again The Ulster Fry consumer experts have been out scouring the shops for the best gifts available. There’s something for everyone here…. Hipster Action Man With realistic beard and an extravagant collection of tattoos, Hipster Action Man is the ultimate retro gift for the irritating fashionista in your life. Comes complete with oversized glasses,

messy-room

Local woman “might not get redd up for Christmas”

There are growing concerns in religious circles that Antrim housewife Pauline Slooter may be unable to effectively tidy her house before Christmas, leading to fears that the festival may have to be cancelled altogether. The Ulster Fry understands that Mrs Slooter inadvertently failed to fully “redd out her good room” before putting up her decorations,

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