Local News

After a lunchtime spent lying on their arse in the sun, Belfast's office workers were left out in the cold this evening, as City Hall announced they would be reducing the amount of sunny days the country currently enjoys - in a bid to...

The Education Authority has announced radical plans to deal with underachievement among working class Protestant boys here, including the addition of Bonfire Construction to the GCSE syllabus. Revealing the move, Chief Examiner Hugh Grade told reporters it would address a...

Details have emerged of a terrifying alien abduction incident involving a family of four from Lurgan. It is understood that the horrific event began at Craigavon's Rushmere Centre, after locals reported flashing lights in the sky. As our exclusive picture...

There was heated debate at a local pub last night, after 37 year old mastermind Brian Box began boasting about his 1995 A-level results, thus sparking an intellectual dick-measuring contest between all his grown-up friends. Box who once achieved two A's and a B in...

The residents of Northern Ireland's poshest town are celebrating in a refined and understated manner today after learning that their town has finally been connected to piped sparkling Evian water. Hillsboroughtonians have been lobbying the authorities for decades, disgruntled that they...

There was widespread panic across Northern Ireland last night, as Mother Nature unleashed what journalists have described as a "Massive Snow Explosion" . The extent of the weather chaos was matched only by the wildness of the celebrations in...

As Ulster enjoys an almost unprecedented fifth day of sunshine, police have confirmed that two-thirds of NI men are currently wearing nothing above the waist bar a watch they bought in Santa Ponsa one year. "Our officer's body-cams utilise high-tech imaging software" explained Bobby Peeler from the PSNI's...

The people of Northern Ireland were left stunned yesterday when they learned that more than 50 trainee officers had been found cheating in their police exams. That got us thinking about how hard this test must be, so we sent...

Facebook supremo Mark Zuckerberg has revealed plans for a new Northern Irish antisocial-media site which will allow users to spew all manner of bigoted bullshit. Provisionally named Hatebook, the new platform is specifically designed for people who want to create...

Reports are coming in that heated workplace debates over who had the quietest Christmas are turning violent. "Up and down the country grey faced office workers are trying to out do each other about who had the most boring time...