Sport articles


Russia to stage its own “off your tits” Olympics

Russia to stage its own “off your tits” Olympics

With it looking increasingly likely that his country’s entire team may be banned from competing at the Rio Olympics due to systematic misuse of banned substances, Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced that Moscow will host its own event – specifically for people off their tits. The Ulster Fry met with the dictatorial leader at his


UN aid convoy brings clean underwear to Irish fans trapped in France

The UN has stepped in to avert ‘a potential humanitarian crisis’, by bringing much needed supplies to fans of Northern Ireland and the Republic stranded in France. Now two weeks in, it is understood that many fans are running low on basic necessities, including underwear, Veda bread, flags and Buckfast. One stranded member of the


Euros crisis as IFA accidentally order “Non-Iron Shirts” for squad

With Euro 2016 just days away, the IFA have dealt Northern Ireland fans a huge blow by announcing they mistakenly requested a consignment of wrinkle-free formal shirts instead of the team’s official football jersey. “Due to a communication mixup when ordering we’ve received a container of ‘Non Iron’ shirts instead.” explained IFA Chief Executive Patrick Nelson earlier. “The guys at Adidas are extremely apologetic, but it’s


Shock as Belfast gym fanatic set to NOT compete in bodybuilding show

Despite attending the gym regularly and being in what one fitness expert called ‘good nick’, 28 year old Latspread McCafferty has shocked the fitness world today by announcing that he will not be competing in a bodybuilding competition this summer. The bizarre decision has sparked panic throughout Northern Ireland’s fitness industry, which contractually obliges regular gym members to be photographed flexing their muscles


Will Grigg fire “now under control”, say emergency services

An ongoing conflagration involving football international Will Grigg has been safely dealt with, according to a statement released earlier today by the Northern Ireland Fire Service. The Wigan Athletic player is believed to have been set alight at some point in April, and has been burning uncontrollably since then. Fortunately the blaze was spotted by his club’s fans


Jose Mourinho accidentally appointed manager of Limavady United

Controversial manager Jose Mourinho has inadvertently found himself manager of North West side Limavady United, after what has been described as ‘a simple mix up over plane tickets.’ It is understood that the former Chelsea chief was expected to agree terms with Manchester United this afternoon, but a booking error led to him boarding a