Author Archives: The Ulster Fry


Naked brown sauce lady “not available in a bap”, insist Castlecourt

Naked brown sauce lady “not available in a bap”, insist Castlecourt

Following sensational scenes at Castlecourt today in which a naked woman was smothered in HP sauce, the shopping centre have denied rumours that she’ll soon be available in a bap. “Our protest was supposed to put people off meat!” said a disgruntled Sonya Vanilla-Latte from PETA. “So whilst the lady herself was indeed lovely, we want to dispel these rumours that she’s about


Northern Ireland hit with massive Tube strike

Despite not even having an underground rail network, Northern Ireland has been hit with a country-wide tube strike today as arseholes across the Province skived off work and angrily demanded a pay rise. “Unlike our London comrades, who sadly cancelled their own strike today, we can’t stop NI’s transport system in its tracks by refusing to work” said Ed Melter from the NI Union of


Donegal named “world’s coolest place” following National Geographic blunder

Derry wans are pure raging according to reports, following the bizarre news that the place over the border they go to for dodgy diesel and pokes has been named one of the ‘coolest’ places in the entire world to visit. “Your hole it is!” said Ralph Mullan, a 27 year old retired painter and decorator from Creggan. “I was down in Culdaff last week and Donegal wans still


Price of Um Bongo sky-rockets as Brexit bites

The popular juice based drink Um Bongo is to double in price as supermarkets grapple with exchange rate fluctuations in the wake of the Brexit vote. “It’s an impossible situation,” says top economist Connery Wharf, “the pound is now so weak against the Congolese franc it’s inevitable that the cost of importing the refreshing children’s drink


“F**k this for a game of soldiers”, declares everyone

After an eventful 2016 which has taken the lives of countless celebrities, ushered in Brexit, seen Donald Trump elected president and left everyone bickering about stuff, the citizens of planet Earth collectively threw the towel in today it has emerged. “I’m pissed off being pissed off!” admitted local man, Fierce Brosnan. “It just seems like we spend our whole f**king


ProseccoGate : Boris’ top Brexit trade tactics revealed

Following the revelation that Boris Johnson believes the popularity of Prosecco in the UK is a valid bargaining tool in getting a better trade deal with Italy, the Ulster Fry have uncovered more of his cunning post-brexit negotiating tactics thanks to an exclusive interview. Denmark “The UK buys a lot of lego.” Boris told us. “In fact we quite literally buy it by the bucket


UTV to launch own jungle-based reality show

As Geordie TV duo PJ and Duncan take us down under once again, local broadcaster UTV have announced their own version of the hit reality gameshow. Filmed on Cavehill, I’m a Slabber, Get Me Out Of Here will bring together some of the world’s foremost narks for a series of gruelling challenges – which they


Anti-Trump rioting spreads to Ulster American Folk Park

With riots sweeping the U.S. following the election of Donald Trump, protests have now reached our shores with the PSNI reporting ‘historically accurate civil unrest’ at the Ulster American Folk Park. “The election of Trump is an affront to the memory of Ulster emigrants who made the long journey to new, far-off lands,” said park reenactor Penny Farthing. “He’s not