Business

After decades of taunting from people who angrily quit work, one local boss has finally made good on an age-old parting suggestion and literally stuck his job up his arse. "It started like any other shift" explained Chuck McNugget from Belfast Fried Chicken. "Kayleigh was on the tills...

Northern Ireland's transport links moved proudly into the 1960s today with the approval of plans for a third bus-stop at the world famous Belfast International Airport. Tourists from across the globe regularly jet into the International Airport from far-flung destinations such...

Scientists across the globe are hailing a 'major breakthrough in human development' after a Co. Antrim housewife became the first ever woman to work out how to put a toilet seat down. 42-year-old Wanda Pish made the discovery when she...

There was much hissing and jeering from travelling fans yesterday, after news that Belfast City Council had invented some lame excuse to monopolise car parking at George Best City Airport and put a cheaper parking alternative out of business. "We're delighted to find a...

An article released today by satirical website the Ulster Fry is reportedly costing Northern Ireland employers 'a clean fortune', as lazy-arsed employees read it whilst pretending to busy. "Aye I'm supposed to be doing something in a spreadsheet or some...

There were wild celebrations in Belfast today after it was announced that the city's famous Odyssey Arena was to be renamed in honour of its new sponsors - energy suppliers SSE. "We're delighted with the move," said marketing director Cheapskate...

Following the news that Coca Cola have bought coffee chain Costa for £3.9bn, the Ulster Fry can exclusively reveal that Northern Irish soft drinks giant, Maine, have purchased rival coffee brand, Starbucks. "This will be an absolute game changer for...

Following the introduction of ‘self-service’ checkouts over a decade ago, Tesco recently rolled out a new ‘Scan as you Shop’ gadget so customers can cash-up their own trolley before they reach the tills. In a new trial running this month in Belfast's...

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out the window. The new system has already been trialled on a select number of Ryanair's Boeing 737...

The value of shares in County Tyrone has plummeted after two days of frantic trading on Wall Street. The crisis began yesterday on the New York Sticks Exchange, where all things culchie are traditionally traded. The turf price was the first...