Business

After years of monopolising random days off work, banks have been sensationally stripped of the powers - with the Credit Union set to take over the role instead. "Lets be honest, banks have been a shower of useless hoors the last...

The worlds of Irish business and journalism were left reeling this morning, after a normally well regarded, decent and objective *cough* newspaper, The Irish version of the Daily Mail, was declared morally bankrupt by readers. "It's true" said Editor Dishonour O'Donnell, "I am just...

Government plans to test driverless lorries on the UK's roads will ensure that their computer systems are able to replicate the behaviour of actual lorry drivers, The Ulster Fry has learned. "These new lorries will be able to do everything that a manned...

With the elections looming and the marching season just around the corner, one Belfast pub has struck upon an ingenious way to make money from Northern Ireland’s honest, hard-working sectarians - by installing the world's first Fleg Machine. For the first time ever, drunken city centre revellers can now get off their face whilst simultaneously getting into other peoples faces,...

In the light of the news that United Airlines is to cancel its service from Belfast International to New York, local independent carrier Beezer Jet has been quick off the mark to step into the breach. The airline, established earlier this year...

Police made several arrests this morning following the theft of a number of items from the Lurgan branch of Xtravision. Thieves broke into the store on Wednesday evening and stole over 100 DVDs from the 'bargain bucket', a haul estimated to be worth in...

With yet more technical difficulties striking their services today, Ulster Bank chiefs have confirmed that they are set to convert their holdings into a chain of bookies, in an effort to improve the chances of actually making a cash withdrawal...

The Guardian newspaper today declared that Belfast is the best city for tourists in the UK. We're always doing our bit to help out visitors, so here's 10 activities that they just might enjoy. Join the wacky races at Divis Enjoy...

With hundreds of Ryanair flights facing cancellation over unused vacation time, Secretary of State James Brokenshire has dramatically ordered work-shy MLAs to start earning their wages and take to the skies. "It's an ideal solution" he told a press conference earlier. "Much like pilots,...

The share price of Mike Ashley's retail empire sensationally fell by £1bn over the weekend, marking the end of an era for sportswear as the favourite clothing choice for chavs & spides everywhere. "Sadly the only people buying sportswear these days actually want to do sports!" said group spokesman Shelley...