After years of monopolising random days off work, banks have been sensationally stripped of the powers - with the Credit Union set to take over the role instead. "Lets be honest, banks have been a shower of useless hoors the last...
Office staff across Northern Ireland are today growing increasingly concerned that alarming levels of 'boring work stuff' is having a negative impact upon their Facebook productivity. Data input clerk, Owen Idle, complained, "The audacity of them to expect me to earn the money...
Owners of Army Surplus stores in Northern Ireland are celebrating after a week which brought "dressing like an paramilitary arsehole" back onto the high street. The news comes after we saw three amusingly sunglassed Loyalists put on a display of antique weaponry on...
There is growing concern in security circles that traditional 'High Street' price wars may be about to escalate after Poundland began selling nuclear weapons in its Banbridge branch. The move comes amid heightened tensions in the budget shopping sector, with the 'Big...
Paramilitary organisations from across Northern Ireland's political divide have joined forces to organise a recruitment fair aimed at attracting new members to deal with an anticipated upsurge in activity after Brexit. "Brexit offers favourable trading conditions across the paramilitary sector,"...
Following the introduction of ‘self-service’ checkouts over a decade ago, Tesco recently rolled out a new ‘Scan as you Shop’ gadget so customers can cash-up their own trolley before they reach the tills. In a new trial running this month in Belfast's...
After decades of taunting from people who angrily quit work, one local boss has finally made good on an age-old parting suggestion and literally stuck his job up his arse. "It started like any other shift" explained Chuck McNugget from Belfast Fried Chicken. "Kayleigh was on the tills...
Experts at Larne School of Economics have studied the shopping habits of the people of Northern Ireland and declared that we all have enough stuff in to survive the Corona Virus, an asteroid strike and a zombie...
A new restaurant is aiming to give a trendy makeover to that staple of the Northern Irish dinner table - the humble crisp sandwich. Inspired by the 'Cereal Cafe' recently opened in London by two Belfast brothers, restaurateur Gavin Spleen hopes...
Amid rumours that the next Star Wars film will be partly filmed on the dank, inhospitable planet of Lisburn, the Northern Ireland economy received a further boost after it was revealed that Harland and Wolff shipyard will build the...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...