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Stormont balls to be replaced with community halls, confirms Brokenshire

Stormont balls to be replaced with community halls, confirms Brokenshire

As Stormont collapses yet again, the Secretary of State has come up with an original solution to the ongoing problems- in future, the parties will each hold their own Assembly in community venues of their choice. His unusual decision follows a weekend which saw First Minister Arlene Foster choose Brookeborough Orange Hall to begin her


“School Assembly” to replace Stormont in radical shake-up

As arguments rage over the latest Stormont crisis, the British and Irish governments have stunned political observers by replacing the assembly with a random selection of small children from local primary schools, in the vague hope that they might actually start getting something done. The new “School Assembly” took over the reins of government this


Angry Turkeys get another chance to vote for Christmas

Turkeys across the country are celebrating wildly today as the fantastic opportunity to vote for yet another Christmas presented itself. The election looks likely after the shockingly unsurprising resignation of Deputy Farm Minister Marty McSpreader finally gave the angry birds the chance to get revenge on their masters. “The barn would’ve sweltered you the last few months!” complained Gary


The Ulster Fry guide to New Year’s Resolutions

It’s the beginning of another new year and that means everyone is busy making audacious plans to turn their life around before giving up and going back to doing the same old stuff they always did. The Ulster Fry have compiled a helpful list of tips and pointers to guide you through the next 365 36.5 days… Giving up drink for a


Fury as vandals change Holywood town sign

People in Holywood are described as “quite cross” today after vandals doctored one of the town’s iconic name signs to read “Holewood”. The pranksters appear to have been inspired by events in California, after the famous sign on the Hollywood hills was changed to Hollyweed on New Year’s Eve. Police in the North Down town say that