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note7b

Peace Process under threat as dissidents switch to Samsung Note 7

Peace Process under threat as dissidents switch to Samsung Note 7

There are growing concerns for peace and prosperity in Northern Ireland after reports emerged that dissident factions of both Republican and Loyalist terror groups have begun stockpiling the deadly Samsung Note 7. The PSNI have started patrolling shopping centres across the Province following the news, in an attempt to ward off the threat of terrorists arming themselves at

batman-proper

PSNI hire Batman to “sort this clown sh*te out”

The PSNI has made a swift move to clamp down on so-called “Killer Clowns” here, by hiring well-known superhero Batman to deal with the dicks behind it. The craze, which began in America of course, involves arseholes dressing up as scary clowns then lurking in the shadows in an attempt to terrify passers-by. “We didn’t

table

Belfast airport chaos as tray table isn’t returned to upright position

Belfast International Airport was thrown into turmoil today when an aircraft broke down after a passenger decided to leave a plastic table dangerously hanging over their legs during landing. The incident began at 6am this morning when panicked cabin crew realised one passenger hadn’t stowed their tray table away as instructed. “I was already strapped in when I realised!” revealed flight

space

Craigavon family in alien abduction horror

Details have emerged of a terrifying alien abduction incident involving a family of four from Lurgan. It is understood that the horrific event began at Craigavon’s Rushmere Centre, after locals reported flashing lights in the sky. As our exclusive picture shows, these turned out to be the landing lights of an alien spaceship – security

dogs-out-badge

“We know who let the dogs out”, claim PSNI Craigavon

PSNI Craigavon’s humour-based policing strategy looks set to sensationally continue today on Facebook, with the news that they’re finally going to reveal who let the dogs out. “This new evidence will bring 16 years of faceless torment to an end!” said officer Jim Diesel from Craigavon’s Historical Enquiries Team. “Turns out a fella from Lurgan caught the whole thing on video tape in 2000. But apparently getting stuff

Bangor

Bangor replaces Hillsborough as ‘Town most up its own hole’ at annual awards

The North Down town of Bangor has beaten it’s traditional rival Hillsborough to the coveted title of ‘Town most up its own hole, 2016’ at the annual ‘Holey’ awards. Hillborough controversially scooped the prize last year, relegating Holywood and Crawfordsburn to silver and bronze, however judges have praised “the concerted effort of Bangor to get further up

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