Politics articles

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ProseccoGate : Boris’ top Brexit trade tactics revealed

ProseccoGate : Boris’ top Brexit trade tactics revealed

Following the revelation that Boris Johnson believes the popularity of Prosecco in the UK is a valid bargaining tool in getting a better trade deal with Italy, the Ulster Fry have uncovered more of his cunning post-brexit negotiating tactics thanks to an exclusive interview. Denmark “The UK buys a lot of lego.” Boris told us. “In fact we quite literally buy it by the bucket

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Ginger kids to get separate schools under Stormont shake up

Children will soon be segregated by hair colour under new guidelines introduced by Stormont’s Department of Education. The plan will see a host of new schools built across the province, as the department works to ensure that Blonde, Brunette and Ginger children are given separate educational facilities, a task made more difficult by the religious

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10 (other) things Gerry Adams has never done

Gerry Adams has to be one of the most put-upon politicians in Ireland. He’s always being accused of doing things that he didn’t do and of being in things he knows nothing about. It must be an absolute nightmare for him playing Truth or Dare with the rest of the Sinn Fein lads, by now

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Stormont well prepared for Daddy Long Legs invasion, claim MLAs

Politicians here have claimed that they have contingency plans in place ready to deal with an expected invasion by giant Daddy Long Legs this Autumn. According to scientists, the warm, damp summer has provided ideal conditions for the irritatingly useless insects. “Daddy Long Legs love warm weather for breeding and stuff,” Queens University’s top insect expert Barry

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Sinn Fein to offer new range of ‘coaching’ services

With Sinn Fein embroiled in controversy over their alleged coaching of ‘Loyalist blogger’ Jamie Bryson for a Stormont Committee, The Ulster Fry can exclusively reveal that this is just a small part of their plan to enter the lucrative coaching business on a more permanent basis. A senior insider told us that if working with someone

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Pokémon Go “a major threat to Peace Process”

The popular Pokémon Go phone App is fuelling sectarian conflict in Northern Ireland, according to a new report released today by Larne School of Economics. In the game, players join red, blue and gold teams and fight for control of locations called gyms. The LSE experts have been mapping these, and have noticed that most gyms in Unionist areas

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