Northern Irish politicians made an rare appearance at Stormont today to attend the 1st birthday party of getting paid for doing nothing, the Ulster Fry has learned. "My mammy is coming back for me at three o clock," squealed an...
Northern Ireland's politicians are to get a dose of reality when the next talks session gets underway, with a proposal to jam them all into a corner in an over-crowded A&E waiting room until they can come to some...
The Prime Minister is privately worried that she won't be able to get the UK's house in order in time for Christmas, The Ulster Fry has learned. "The whole place is in shite," she told us. "Every time I think...
After seeing a plan that would see Northern Ireland remain in the Single Market shot down by the DUP, an exasperated Theresa May has tabled proposals that would allow everyone in the UK to choose their own individually tailored...
Hopes for a prosperous budget were dashed today after Chancellor Phillip Hammond arrived in Downing Street carrying the budget in a bag from Lidl. "The old red brief case is worth a clean fortune" revealed Conservative spokeswoman, Tori Bastard. "So...
After voting to give two parties who literally can't agree on anything the power to run the country, everyone in Northern Ireland is reportedly "very upset and annoyed" today, after discovering that they have failed to reach agreement again. "This has really taken us...
Civil servants have revealed an audacious plan to raise money from the never-ending talks at Stormont, by allowing voters to call a special "dirty" phone line and listen in to the politicians at work. "These talks have been going on...
Following last night's 11th hour announcement that NI's school kids should stay at home this morning, Stormont has reassured parents that their youngsters are today getting a unique insight into the life of an MLA. "We're using this shutdown as an opportunity to find...
A comedian who gave Theresa May her P45 today has confirmed that he borrowed the controversial document from a Stormont MLA. "I went to speak to Arlene and Michelle at yesterday's Conservative party conference" confirmed funny man Lee Nelson. "And I noticed both...
The news that the Red Hand Commando group has asked to be legalised so that it can become an 'Old Comrades Association' has led to calls for a retirement home specifically for paramilitaries. "Lots of these guys are getting on...

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