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Article-50-shades

Theresa May publishes new book – “Article 50 Shades of Grey”

Theresa May publishes new book – “Article 50 Shades of Grey”

UK Prime Minister Theresa May launched a new career as an erotic fiction author today with the publication of her first novel “Article 50 Shades of Grey”. Described by her publishers as a “racy romp in the corridors of power”, the novel tells the story of a young woman called Unity Kingdom, as she discovers her ‘Brexuality”, under

stormont

“We can’t be arsed with another election, now sort it out you ballbags,” everyone tells MLAs, in long headline shock

The Northern Ireland political parties have been sent a very clear message this morning after the Ulster Fry was forced to write a really long headline about the talks process. “We’ve only been running for 2 and a half years,” said a spokesman for the funny/unfunny (delete as applicable) website, “and we’ve had 2 Assembly

Stormont

Politicians prepare to get back to doing nothing

After spending several days discussing the rights and wrongs of the life of Martin McGuinness, local politicians have agreed to end their ceasefire and return to the important business of failing to reach an agreement on the way forward at Stormont. “It is important that we preserve Martin’s legacy,” said Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams at a

Paisley-McG

World of social media reacts predictably to death of Martin McGuinness

As the news of the passing of Martin McGuinness broke on mainstream media, Northern Ireland’s assortment of keyboard commentators took to their smart phones to add their usual considered opinions. Facebook user ‘Ballybeen Bear’, who served 8 years for arms offences in the 1980s, was quick to highlight the former Deputy First Minister’s IRA past.

Science

Work on new ‘Super Unionist Party’ under way at secret facility

Amid growing calls for ‘Unionist Unity’ following a bruising election, the Ulster Fry can reveal that a team of top scientists are planning on creating a ‘Super Unionist Party’, complete with super powers. Work on the secret project has already begun in a disused, but well heated chicken shed in Co Antrim, as the boffins attempt

adams_speaking

Gerry Adams to let Michelle O’Neill speak as International Women’s Day gesture

Following a series of embarrassing media engagements yesterday in which Michelle O’Neill kept her trap shut so the big man could speak, Gerry Adams today revealed plans to let her actually say stuff in celebration of International Women’s Day (IWD). “I think it’s important that we mark the valuable contribution women have made in our society,” began Adams at

Elephant

Arlene Foster injured by elephant during DUP trip to the circus

DUP leader Arlene Foster suffered minor injuries this afternoon in what has been described as a “freak accident” during a visit to the circus with party colleagues. It is understood that Mrs Foster had taken MPs Jeffrey Donaldson and Gavin Robinson on the trip in a bid to cheer them up after last week’s election. “Wee

Adams-DUP

Gerry Adams gets rousing reception as he launches DUP election manifesto

Gerry Adams was the surprise guest at today’s DUP election manifesto launch, and was greeted warmly by the party faithful. “Thank God you’re here,” North Belfast MP Nigel Dodds was heard to whisper to the Sinn Fein President. “We thought were on a hiding to nothing this election, what with all that RHI stuff floating about. Then it

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