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Everyone’s faith in politics here restored, says grateful electorate

Everyone’s faith in politics here restored, says grateful electorate

The people of Northern Ireland are united in praise of their political representatives this evening after another day of edifying shenanigans at Stormont. The day began with a number of walkouts, swiftly followed by a statement from the First Minister which wasn’t a First Minister’s statement – delivered to an empty chamber. She then answered

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Foster vows to repay £400m with new Renewable Eating Scheme

As the Renewable Heat Initiative (RHI) scandal grows, revealing that the beneficiaries include a former DUP adviser, a Free Presbyterian Church and a Ferrari showroom – NI’s First Minister has unveiled an even more ambitious follow-up which she hopes will restore our faith in politicians. The new ‘Renewable Eating Scheme’ aims to incentivise ordinary taxpayers

stormont tree

Stormont executive fails to organise P*ss up in brewery

After agreeing to pay for a ferry that doesn’t work, and to cover the world’s biggest heating bill, recriminations are once again flying at Stormont over the failure to organise this year’s Christmas party, which had been planned as ‘a drinks-related celebration in a premises which brews and ferments alcoholic beverages’. “No-one’s really sure how

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Sinn Fein and DUP unite against ‘Elf on the Shelf’

The two biggest parties at Stormont have united in condemnation of a modern Christmas tradition – the Elf on the Shelf decoration – though for very different reasons. The joint approach came during a meeting at Stormont, as MLAs debated an emergency Sinn Fein motion which called for the seasonal elf to be banned, claiming

boriseu

ProseccoGate : Boris’ top Brexit trade tactics revealed

Following the revelation that Boris Johnson believes the popularity of Prosecco in the UK is a valid bargaining tool in getting a better trade deal with Italy, the Ulster Fry have uncovered more of his cunning post-brexit negotiating tactics thanks to an exclusive interview. Denmark “The UK buys a lot of lego.” Boris told us. “In fact we quite literally buy it by the bucket

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Ginger kids to get separate schools under Stormont shake up

Children will soon be segregated by hair colour under new guidelines introduced by Stormont’s Department of Education. The plan will see a host of new schools built across the province, as the department works to ensure that Blonde, Brunette and Ginger children are given separate educational facilities, a task made more difficult by the religious

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10 (other) things Gerry Adams has never done

Gerry Adams has to be one of the most put-upon politicians in Ireland. He’s always being accused of doing things that he didn’t do and of being in things he knows nothing about. It must be an absolute nightmare for him playing Truth or Dare with the rest of the Sinn Fein lads, by now

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