UK politics looks set for further disarray after Prime Minister Theresa May decided to phone in to her line manager, the Queen, and tell her that she isn't feeling great and will be off for ''at least a couple...
Top meteorologists have revealed a new scale of windiness based on Sammy Wilson's face, that they hope will make it easier for people to understand the dangers posed by bad weather. "We've been trying to warn people about incoming storms...
Prime Minister Theresa May is to finally give up trying to sort out the Brexit shitstorm and hand control of the process to Team Typhoon from The Apprentice. "When you think about it, they're a perfect fit," says BBC political...
After reports of flashing orange lights and manic laughter from DUP headquarters, party SPADS confirmed last night that East Antrim MP Sammy Wilson had successfully created 16 copies of himself as part of a plan to defend the border...
Emergency talks were held at Stormont this morning after dissident pop band The Spice Girls (TSG) released what police describe as a 'credible warning' that they would target Belfast if the assembly is not restored. "We have firm evidence that...
Sinn Fein have dismissed suggestions that Gerry Adams promoting a cookbook supposedly inspired by the Good Friday Agreement will be hard to swallow for anyone who lived through the violence that preceded it. "Ach your arse is parsley! We've been...
Supporters of Ashers bakery will tuck into the most heterosexual cake of all time this evening as they celebrate the landmark Supreme Court ruling. The Ulster Fry understands that the cake will have no frosting, icing, cream or sprinkles -...
There are fears that history books may have to be rewritten after Gerry Kelly sensationally admitted that the IRA might have been a protagonist in the Troubles, although it was still all the Brits' fault. Mr Kelly was responding to...
Former DUP Spad (Special Adviser) Campbell Robinson-Williamson has very kindly agreed to join the Ulster Fry as an Agony Uncle. Here, he answers a few burning questions.... Dear Campbell, I'm a man in my mid-forties who's not very good in...
Angry MLAs have vowed to take industrial action after the Secretary of State announced that their salaries will be slashed to a meagre £36k per year. "This is scandalous," argued one Lagan Valley DUP MLA, who asked not to be...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...