A new report by the Ballymoney Institute of Anthropology has revealed that asking your partner to 'phone my phone' is the most common form of inter-couple communication in modern-day Northern Ireland. "About 90% of our daily interaction revolves around me using my mobile to find hers" admitted...
A new pressure group has released a statement today demanding "urgent action" to deal with people who are getting really excited about Christmas even though it's not even Halloween yet. The Ulster Society for the Prevention of Christmas Arseholery (USPCA)...
Norn Iron's greatest sporting social gathering, the North West 200, is up and running again. In many ways the sporting equivalent of the Balmoral Show, a place where people with mad accents can gather to stand in the rain and...
There was confusion in the world of the internet today after Pornhub, a famous purveyor of on-line durtiness, claimed that 'MILF' was the term most searched for by Northern Irish females using their site. "What the f**k's a MILF?" was...
Chinese takeaways across NI are bracing themselves for the busiest night of the year, as people who have been out buying food all day realise they can't be arsed cooking. "We're coming down with food here," admitted Phil McCupboard, a...
There are growing concerns in religious circles that Antrim housewife Pauline Slooter may be unable to effectively tidy her house before Christmas, leading to fears that the festival may have to be cancelled altogether. The Ulster Fry understands that Mrs...
Food sales at local supermarkets have nosedived as people ignore buying fresh produce in favour of eating old stuff they wrapped in tin-foil and bucked in the fridge days ago, it has emerged. "I'm not even sure what this is!" admitted...
A County Antrim man is celebrating this evening after finally being able to wash almost a year's supply of underpants and get them all dried in one session. 48-year-old Jackie Short was previously able to complete "a big wash" last...
People who invite you round to their house to use a hot-tub actually want to have sex with you, your partner, and probably your family pets, research conducted by The Ulster Fry has revealed. The survey, which by coincidence has...
Nearly 100 people have been hospitalised in Belfast due to injuries caused by massive golf umbrellas in the past two days, The Ulster Fry has learned. With injuries ranging from minor cuts right through to fully poked out eyes, the...

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