There were chaotic scenes outside Debenham's this afternoon as an angry mob gathered to protest against having to buy a load of expensive shite for Gay friends who get married. Four people were arrested after they attempted to gain entry...
There were wild celebrations on the street of Katesbridge this morning as it was once again declared the coldest place to live on Planet Earth, even managing to out-founder Castlederg. The Co. Down hamlet is famous the world over for...
A County Armagh man has been stripped of all benefit entitlements after ignoring repeated warnings about wearing his coat indoors. It is understood that government inspectors spotted 43-year-old James Barbour wearing a Parka jacket whilst watching television at 11am this...
Much of East Belfast will be decorated with Spanish flags this marching season after a local loyalist misunderstood an instruction to smuggle back 20,000 fags from a holiday in Majorca. It is understood that 36-year-old Winkie "Winkie" Bunting instead bought...
A bizarre error has seen the son of God mistakenly make his Easter return to a small Co Antrim village, the Ulster Fry has learned. The mishap occurred after Gideons made an unholy typo in their latest Bible, which now...
Despite being given the title of 'Central' Station almost 40 years ago, passengers arriving at Belfast's flagship train station have long noted that the terminus is actually in the arsehole of nowhere. It now seems their frustrations have reached the ears of Translink chiefs, who have finally decided to...
Billed as a transport revolution for Belfast, the new Glider buses have been in operation since Monday. Our transport correspondent, Rhonda Bout, describes her journey. "On arrival of at the bus-stop I was delighted to see that there were several...
With weather forecasters issuing grim predictions of Biblical storms, the government has issued a stern warning that the wind is likely to reach "bin threatening" proportions. "We're at 'Bin-Con One'," said Field Marshal Edward Gough-Barracks of Downing Street's 'COBRA' crisis...
Following Mary Lou McDonald's comment that the new PSNI Chief Constable should be 'an outsider', police chiefs have sensationally called her bluff and offered the job to ISIS bride, Shamima Begum. "She may have just lost her British citizenship, but...
Belfast has beaten off stiff competition from Mexico City, Beijing and Strabane to scoop top spot in a United Nations survey of shite traffic. "Our judges spent 3 weeks assessing your road network," we were told by UN Secretary General António...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...