British Telecom have admitted that hundreds of homes in Northern Ireland have been mistakenly rigged with explosives, after a typo-riddled email instructed their engineers to 'install landmines' at properties across the Province. Diesel McCartney a 47 year old tyre-kicker from Aughnacloy, discovered the...
Traffic chaos engulfed mid-Antrim yesterday, after an elderly couple decided to pass an hour - by going driving for a few hours. Sadie Wollensock and her husband Arthur 'took a notion' for ice-cream yesterday, hopping into their beloved Rover Metro in search...
A Co. Armagh woman has been jailed for two years after her addiction to covering her house in crap decorative signs spilled over into violence. 34 year old Arlene Thomson, who cannot be named for legal reasons, first developed her addiction to the these items...
With the country still recovering from Valentines Day, former loyalist paramilitary leaders are said to be ‘extremely nervous’ today, with the news that an old cassette tape they made decades ago could soon be revealed to the public. The mixtape, which was recorded at...
After a recent poll revealed that men would rather be 'tied up and gagged' than sit through 'all that soppy shite' in the movie version of 50 Shades of Grey, Derry's Strand Cinema have revealed an ambitious plan to entice male viewers to watch the erotic...
A poll conducted by Portavogie University has found that Northern Irish people rate their own accent as the sexiest in Northern Ireland, closely followed by that of the people from Northern Ireland. "Belfast people rate their accent the highest," says Professor Henry...
Archaeologists at the University of Ballymoney have discovered that the weather is 'a bit milder' than it was this time last week. "We've been examining the historical records," said Dr Brian Cramp, "and it would appear that last week it would...
The PSNI have released details of a new Traffic Branch unit that will specifically target young males driving so called "hot hatches". "The Boy Racer Division is currently undergoing special training," said Superintendent Brian Cant, "tailored to allow them to first...
The classic playground Limerick "Old King Billy had a ten foot willy" has been voted Northern Ireland's favourite poem in a survey conducted by the University of East Strabane. The meaning of the rhyme - which reads "Old King Billy had...
A Newtownards woman is said to be "in shock, but otherwise unharmed" after she inadvertently conjured up Satan whilst shopping in her local branch of Argos. 43 year old Agnes Toucan visited the store in search of new of curling tongs,...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...