Sport

There was anger amongst local homophobes today, as thousands of men dressed in skin-tight leather outfits descended upon Portrush to shove motorised contraptions between their arse cheeks and chase each other around the town. "We cannot stand idly by whilst our beautiful north coast is overrun by leather-clad men...

Employers are bracing themselves amid concerns that a mystery virus may sweep through much of Northern Ireland’s male workforce tonight. According to experts the illness, which has been dubbed ‘Greek Influenza’, could hit Belfast at approximately 9.30pm this evening, provided Northern Ireland don't make a ballix of...

Following another crap display by the English in a sport they originally invented, the British government are inventing several new sports so that England can be number one at something again – at least until Australia or Germany get better at it. Iceland defeated...

As always, the first weekend in May will see Belfast grind to halt as the city plays host to the annual Buckfast Marathon. The much-famed piss up will be held over a three-day period and is regarded by many competitive...

The directors of Manchester United are sensationally set to replace Jose Mourinho with the DUP's Arlene Foster, The Ulster Fry has learned. Following the sacking of 'The Special One', the club's top brass are seeking "a safe pair of hands'...

Following his defeat at the hands of Nate Diaz, executives at lads website JOE had an emergency meeting this morning to discuss the possibility of writing an article that isn't about the bearded Irish UFC fighter, Conor McGregor. "How about we do...

As the FIFA corruption scandal rumbles on, the Irish Football Association has offered to spare the governing body's blushes and take over from Qatar as hosts of the 2022 World Cup. "The Qatar bid has been riddled with problems from...

Animal welfare charities are fearful that small children everywhere will be demanding dancing horses this Christmas, following Great Britain's Gold Medal in yesterday's dressage. Charlotte Dujardin, which is French for something to do with gardens, scooped top spot whilst sitting...

Having spent most of last season impressing the club’s medical staff with his never say die attitude to missing football matches, doctors and physios at West Ham United have been left reeling after a medical scan on the player...

Everyone is looking forward to settling down and watching the normal shite that television channels spew out, after two solid weeks of watching annoyingly talented, healthy young people doing sport. According to the University of Craigavon, Olympic fatigue began to...