Sport

Today's Belfast Marathon was sensationally hijacked by the local elections, after the country's main political parties began rerouting runners to support their own agenda. The furore began this morning at around 9.15am, as the first of the 17,000 runners made...

Thousands of football fans across Northern Ireland find themselves in a severe quandary today as their two favourite sides prepare to meet in a Champions League qualifying match. "There's a real cross-over in the fan-base of both clubs," we were told by...

Rory McIlroy and fellow linguist Graeme McDowell have once again developed new accents after spending yesterday afternoon at Dundonald’s luxurious Pirate Golf complex. The formerly American-sounding Ulstermen noticed their voices had started to change as they approached the 18th hole of Blackbeard’s...

Just days before of their hugely anticipated Las Vegas prize fight, the Ulster Fry has learned that boxing rivals Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao are not only fighting for their pride and hundreds of millions in prize money - but also the...

Everyone is looking forward to settling down and watching the normal shite that television channels spew out, after two solid weeks of watching annoyingly talented, healthy young people doing sport. According to the University of Craigavon, Olympic fatigue began to...

After a spate of disappointing performances in recent golf tournaments which culminated in not making the cut at the Irish Open yesterday, sources close to Rory McIllroy have revealed that the Holywood man is determined to regain his form 'by any means necessary'. Buoyed the famous boost in...

The directors of Manchester United are sensationally set to replace Jose Mourinho with the DUP's Arlene Foster, The Ulster Fry has learned. Following the sacking of 'The Special One', the club's top brass are seeking "a safe pair of hands'...

Astronomers have warned that the sudden alignment of three major Irish sporting planets could have far reaching consequences for the rest of the galaxy. "Occasionally we see the two Irish football worlds align on the same day" explained Professor Russell Grant from Armagh Planetarium....

Patriotic local golf fans got an unexpected new hero at this week's Irish Open, after historians discovered that US golfer Graeme McDowell's ancestors are actually from the County Antrim town of Portrush. "Well gee-whiz that's fantastic!" McDowell told local press. "My grandpappy used to tell us...

Despite enjoying 71% possession yesterday against Chelsea, United returned to Manchester last night with a disappointing zero points. Football pundits shared widely varying theories on the demise afterwards, but our source at Stamford Bridge speculated that United’s failure to score...