Following another crap display by the English in a sport they originally invented, the British government are inventing several new sports so that England can be number one at something again – at least until Australia or Germany get better at it. Iceland defeated...
The UN has stepped in to avert 'a potential humanitarian crisis', by bringing much needed supplies to fans of Northern Ireland and the Republic stranded in France. Now two weeks in, it is understood that many fans are running low...
Employers are bracing themselves amid concerns that a mystery virus may sweep through much of Northern Ireland’s male workforce tonight. According to experts the illness, which has been dubbed ‘Greek Influenza’, could hit Belfast at approximately 9.30pm this evening, provided Northern Ireland don't make a ballix of...
In a controversial move, the European Union has announced that all aspects of human relationships will in future be governed by the same rules as football transfers - meaning that everyone had until six o'clock this evening to sort...
Bookmakers have suspended all betting on Steven Gerrard's next club amid rumours that the Liverpool captain has already agreed terms with local side Lisburn Distillery. The move came after Gerrard was spotted getting off the 238 Goldliner at Sprucefield, before climbing...
Following his arrest yesterday, during which it appears US police dragged him backwards through a hedge, sources close to golfer Tiger Woods claim he's been 'on the lash' since Rory McIllroy's stag do in Magaluf. "He'd literally just landed home!" revealed close pal,...
People in Belfast are 'fed up to the back teeth' according to a new report out today by the Department of Reports, which suggests that folk are only watching tonight's Carl Frampton fight because they are 'bored' with the lack of conflict happening...
Controversial manager Jose Mourinho has inadvertently found himself manager of North West side Limavady United, after what has been described as 'a simple mix up over plane tickets.' It is understood that the former Chelsea chief was expected to agree...
Mixed Martial Underpants fighter Conor McGregor is to accidentally fight UK Prime Minister Theresa May as a result of a printing error in the contract. The Ulster Fry understands that the agreement that Mr McGregor would "fight Mayweather, subject to...
With the Irish Open underway at Royal County Down, golfing commentators across the globe have been stunned by the sudden expertise that local people have developed in the sport. "I've been following the golf since the 1970s," said 65 year old dinner...

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Ryanair begin charging customers to look out the window

In the aftermath of today's Ryanair theft scandal, in which hackers stole $5 million from the company, the famously frugal airline have announced their latest money-spinning innovation - which charges passengers to look out...