Local News

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Millionaire bus lane camera to blow windfall on ‘cars and girls’

In an exclusive interview with The Ulster Fry Belfast’s first million pound bus lane camera has vowed to spend his new found wealth by living as extravagantly as possible. “You’re only young once,” explained one-year-old vehicle recognition device, Otto Focus. “I could be knocked over by a bus tomorrow, which would be ironic when you

World news

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‘Balakinis’ to be issued on Northern Irish beaches

Following the news that French authorities are forcing Burkini wearing women to strip off – local councils in Northern Ireland have also released guidelines for how people should dress on their beaches. However the authorities here are turning the French plan on its head and demanding that all visitors cover up as much as possible by

Business

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Concentrix wins lucrative North Korean Complaints Department contract

Following months of denying families their working and family tax credits through ruthless handling of a government contract, US firm Concentrix have been hired by rogue nation, North Korea, to handle complaint calls from it’s millions of disgruntled citizens. “Kim Jong Un is really impressed with our Never Say Aye attitude”  revealed Concentrix spokesman, Nadda Chance. “We may have lost the HRMC

Entertainment

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Brangelina to split in squabble over Portrush caravan

With the world reeling from the news that celebrity power-couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are sensationally set to split, the Ulster Fry can reveal some exclusive details about their dramatic parting of ways. “They were always fighting over everything,” revealed Brad’s close friend and confidant, Hugo Duncan. “He wanted beans on his Fry, but Angelina thought

Sport

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Hackers release list of substances taken by Irish athletes in Rio

After leaking info about high profile athletes Chris Froome, Bradley Wiggins & Mo Farah in recent days, Russian hackers have now released data showing what substances Irish athletes were taking during the Rio Olympics. “Some of the stuff the Irish team were on would shock you!” revealed sports analyst Anita Trainer. “We found dangerously high levels of wheaten bread,

Politics

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10 (other) things Gerry Adams has never done

Gerry Adams has to be one of the most put-upon politicians in Ireland. He’s always being accused of doing things that he didn’t do and of being in things he knows nothing about. It must be an absolute nightmare for him playing Truth or Dare with the rest of the Sinn Fein lads, by now

Lifestyle

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The six best places to have an argument in Northern Ireland

The people of Northern Ireland are famous the world over for their friendly, welcoming attitude to foreign visitors and their good looks, wit, and charm. They’re also famous for being able to start a fight in an empty room, so any tourist coming here is bound to want to see one of our famous arguments

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